Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
