I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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