When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
