Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
