He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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