i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
