what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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