I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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