gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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