she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
