Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
