She is in my trunk
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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