She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Still dying that you shit outside
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
as a side note pls kill me
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
