my vag is so smooth its legendary
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
