Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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