I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
