Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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