If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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