Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Randomize
