Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
