Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
