I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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