YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
