i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
