He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
