I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
