just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
