This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
