apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
