I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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