My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Are we still banned from the library?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
