Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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