I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
