Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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