Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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