Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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