I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
