I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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