i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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