i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
