My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
