someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Farmville is her only friend.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
