That's intense
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
