Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
