I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
