I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
How does one acquire holy water?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
