Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
