I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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