I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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