she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
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