When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
