My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
